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I'm just here

Sitting destroys me.

I get closer and closer to graduating from my coding bootcamp every day, and I can't wait. I handled Bootstrap really well, but React murdered me. I've spent so much time at my computer that my lower back is in pain whenever I neglect to exercise. Thankfully, now that I'm officially done paying for the bootcamp, signing up for a martial arts class got that much easier. One class seemed to heal my backpain for several days, so you know I'm going back ASAP. I'm going to go as often as I can!!

Another mission I have is to become an early bird. I have limitations, as far as my partner's sleep schedule goes and my school project teammates only being available later in the day, but I'll do what I can. Any change towards that direction will have a positive affect on my daily life.

May 17th, 2021

Music I'm crying to:

I have been feeling like a walking panic attack lately. Porter Robinson's new album "Nurture" makes me want to write my own music about my own demons and inconsolibility.

On a happier note, Blossom sounds like the epitome of a modern cottagecore wedding song. I know this album has been in production for years, but it's been released at the perfect time. Someone's getting married to that while wearing a flower crown and holding a baby goat. You know this. We all know this. Moss is mentioned. I know you're incredibly in love Mr. Robinson, the way your natural voice comes out at the lyric "it's just that I love you" solidifies it as undeniable, but this song belongs to the lesbians now. You could not have possibly predicted making an iconic cottagecore pandemic wedding bop. Once TikTok discovers it, it's all over. We're all going to be crying over the short-form, wildflower filled, lovey dovey videos people post with this song in the background. I'm so, so, almost sorry. I don't even have TikTok on my phone anymore but I'll eat a mint if I'm wrong (hate mints).

Anyway, I needed to be in the right mood to sit and listen to this album. It was so much more chill than I was expecting, and WORLDS was already pretty good for sitting around and listening to. Good crying music. Like I said, it makes me want to make my own music! As much as connecting to someone else's music feels healing, it feels wrong to stop there? Like there's a hazard, because that's still someone else's story. If you ever learned something terrible about that person, the music could lose all that big healing energy, right? If I dig myself out of my brain's anxiety ridden hellscape, I would like to play with my girlfriend's copy of FL studio on her computer and try expressing myself sometime.

May 13th, 2021